Finally, Nachos

Were you expecting politics on Election Day?

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Dear Capitoli,

Happy Election Day. The first eight Capitolisms are in the bag, and it’s been pretty—ahem—intense so far. We’ve grumbled about the CDC eviction moratorium, “libertarian economics,” tariffs, wages, Trump and Biden economic policies, and Section 230. There have been a lot of charts. A lot. Given that workload, and the fact that there’s not really any policy being made right now (and we could all use a little distraction awaiting election returns), I figured it’s time for a brain break to cover something both near and dear to my heart and vitally important: nachos.

However, before we begin, a quick word about my Dispatch colleague, David French. Thursday night, David published a column about emotion and politics. The piece itself was fine, I guess. But it was troubling to see David once again resort to division and acrimony by attacking me and the entire Capitolism family in the newsletter’s title (and conclusion):

I say “once again,” because this is not the first time that David has resorted to anti-chartism to sell clicks. See, for example, his September 20 column which took not one but two gratuitous swipes at the art form. I let that one slide (and this earlier one), but French’s latest attack is just too much. It’s especially frustrating because when David isn’t out there attacking charts, he’s using them—even in the very same columns. In fact, I count at least 11 times that French has positively used charts to make his point. That’s telling, wouldn’t you say? Anyway, it’s all just too much so I’ve created a chart of my own based on an objective meta-analysis of the aforementioned columns:

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  1. @fakeJohn

    Does it sadden you at all that this article gets orders of magnitude more comments and likes than any of your other work here?

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      Scott Lincicome vertical-nib Author

      No.

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  2. Aubrey

    This nacho article may the greatest piece of journalism I've ever read! I have a retirement dream of opening my own family-friendly sports bar where the menu is only nachos (sometimes I contemplate wings too - I'm a wing snob and deeply hate places that have 20 sauces they put on really crappy wings -- idea for your next food article???). I have no idea whether I'll ever go through with it but I have a lot of fun testing for the nacho menu at home. So far, about 20 different kinds of nachos - from various purest forms in different cheese combinations to my beloved greek nachos. The Greek has a blend of three kinds of white cheese, featuring feta of course, along with kalamata olives replacing the jalapenos - and sometimes I add on pickled banana peppers or capers. You need to try it to believe. Anyway, thanks Scott.
    p.s. I am enjoying your non food articles also!

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    Devin H

    Scott, I see you called out Wisconsin. I would be interested to get your opinion on a little thing they serve at (formerly, but forever in my heart) Miller Park called "totchos", which are essentially Ballpark Nachos with tater tots.

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    Hanna Reinhart

    Can’t help but feel like you were compelled to write about this because the Times did it first: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/29/dining/nachos-recipes.html?campaign_id=2&emc=edit_th_20201104&instance_id=23772&nl=todaysheadlines®i_id=72114999&segment_id=43455&user_id=0556debfea586bc18fb9e85447d16f7e
    XD

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    Dick Scuttlebutt

    Scott, what are your thoughts on Frito Pie? Not nachos as far as I'm concerned, but still fantastic.

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      Scott Lincicome vertical-nib Author

      It's a texas treasure, especially if served in the chip bag.

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  6. Mary Stine

    Thanks for the nacho clarification and the history. Funny, I always wondered if it started as a Tex/Mex thing. Since I have an intolerance/allergy to all cow milk products, I HAVE to make my own nachos. Finding the right goat/sheep milk cheese (cheddar works best) is hard, but worth it. I prefer fresh jalapenos, seeded and soaked in lime juice & salt, but canned works fine.
    This is one of those simple classics, like excellent black coffee, that does better without much
    modification.

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  7. LucyTrice

    Not being a nachos connoisseur, I read "bar nachos" as one would read "bar cookies". That would be a travesty...but I think I might try it (she says as she ducks) ...just because.

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    Sonofasailor35

    I had been waiting for this definitive nacho column. Finally...
    Here in the upper Midwest, I thought I was the inventor of the single-chip based nacho. Friends and family thought it was weird, because they were only familiar with the “notcho” mess you get at bars. It started very simply, with individual triangular chips (sometimes Doritos, more often not) crowding each other on a cookie sheet. Then, take a rectangular block of Kraft Extra Sharp Cheddar, slice about 1/8” thick perpendicular to the long side of the rectangle. End up with a dozen rectangular slices, divide these in half to make perfect squares (while saving one for the dog, who is always waiting for his cheese treat), place the squares individually on the chips, top with a slice of jalapeño, then broil for about 5 minutes until the edges of the chips start to turn brown and the cheese is completely melted.

    More recently, I have added improvements to the recipe. On an extended trip to Mexico a few years ago, I discovered Herdez brand guacamole sauce at a supermercado there, which is thankfully also available in the U.S. Either the mild or medium flavor will do, because the heat is already provided by the jalapeños. When the chips come out of the broiler, immediately add a quarter-size dollop of the guacamole sauce to each chip. Even more recently, at the suggestion of a fellow Dispatch-er, I have started to add a 1/2 tsp of canned retried beans (the kind with chorizo included in it) at the start of the process, before placing the square of cheese on each chip. Over the past several years, I have varied the kind of chip used. I rarely use Doritos anymore, and most often use the white-corn, round chips, either store brand or Tostitos. The round chips are slightly easier to handle, without the risk of one of the triangular corners breaking off, resulting in an unexpected snack for the dog.

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  9. DiDi M.

    The quintessential nacho analysis chart must be objective. Because the chart says so LMO. Thank you for the much needed levity this morning. BTW I completely agree with your analysis and nachos are delicious!

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  10. John H

    Thank you, Scott, for documenting your recipe/technique for nachos. I've listed to your, uh, very strong opinions on this subject on Jonah's podcast and wondered how one might make nachos your way.

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