Dear Reader (Including those of you patiently awaiting Lord Xenu’s return),

As I’ve mentioned a few times, one of my favorite scenes in On Golden Pond is when Tony Montana is driving an assassin around Manhattan to kill a crusading politician before the do-gooder can give a speech at the U.N. Long story short, Tony has a rule about not killing kids. (After all, as Omar says in Muppets Take Manhattan, “A man’s got to have a code.”) The assassin doesn’t care, so Tony shoots him in the face, then says to the not yet suppurating maw where his face once was, “I told you, no f—ing kids! No, but you wouldn’t listen, why, you stupid f–k, look at you now.”

I bring this up because I think I need to take my Prevagen®  for “Memory and Brain Support”—the secret is an ingredient originally found in jellyfish! And we all know jellyfish have really terrific memories. Have you ever seen a jellyfish wandering around a parking lot after a concert or football game wondering where he parked? I rest my case.

No seriously, I’m fascinated by those ads because of the way they say “jellyfish”;  they make it sound like it should have been obvious all along that there would be a memory enhancing substance in jellyfish. If the same ad touted an ingredient originally found in, say, sparrow beaks or Komodo dragon spit it wouldn’t be remotely plausible. But jellyfish? That’s the 7 Minute Abs of good ideas.