Baby Got Brief

(Sarah)
Oh my god, David. Look at her brief.
It is so … short. [scoff]
It looks like one of those emergency appeals.
But, you know, who understands the Shadow Docket? [scoff]
They only take those cases because they have novel procedural posture, ‘kay?
I mean that brief, is just so, short!
I can’t believe it’s written so fast, it’s got, like typos! I mean— gross. Look!
She just got relief!

(Chief Justice Roberts)
I like fast briefs and I can not lie
You other judges can’t deny
When counsel walks in with a brief that is thin
And asks us to step in
You get stayed! Per the APA
‘Cause the facts here aren’t OK
What you did was arbitrary
And executive action is scary!
Oh baby, I wanna write for you
Per curiam will not bore you
My colleague, he’s Original
But this brief you filed makes me feel Textual
Ooooh, gov’ment litigant?
Wanna ignore precedent?
Well brief me, write swift,
‘cause you ain’t that average plaintiff!
I’ve seen them pleadin’
To hell with where that's leadin’
She’s pled, Club Fed
Has it going like Judge Willett
I’m tired of law reviews
Sayin’ history is the thing
Take the average Justice and QP that?
It’s gotta pack much text
So This Honorable? (Yeah!) Court? (Yeah!)
Has the appellant got the brief? (Hell yeah!)
Tell ‘em: file it! (File it!) File it! (File it!)
File that healthy brief
Baby got text