Dear Reader (including whichever of you released a dazzle of zebras in Maryland),

Because one of the core purposes of the internet is to reveal that nobody actually said any of the things they’re famous for saying, I have no idea if Alice Roosevelt Longworth ever said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.”

Still, if you don’t have anything nice to say about any of these people right now, come sit by me.

Let’s start with President Biden’s speech yesterday.