It’s been a long week, and it’s only Wednesday. So please forgive me for what I am about to do.
Look, I’ll be honest with you. I have tried to tamp down some of the sophomoric silliness that marked some of my earlier writing. I used to write stuff like, “I’ve got to keep on my toes—like Robert Reich at a urinal.” I once wrote that when Geraldo Rivera dedicated an episode of his daytime show to having fat from his ass inserted into his forehead, it took. Alan Dershowitz got taller every time he took Viagra, “Hanging Chad” wasn’t just a technical term of art from the Florida recount, it was a great name for a necrophiliac gay porn movie (a colleague tells me it should have been an autoerotic asphyxiation flick. Fair enough, but I’m not going to waste my last time-jump on correcting that mistake). In 2002, I predicted: “Mullah Omar will be caught and in short order the phrase ‘punishing the one-eyed cleric’ will cause thousands of boarding school boys to titter for weeks.”