Dear Reader (Including the clerks of the House who can’t even),

It’s up to you whether you take this as a promise or a warning: I’m going to get to the glorious monkey poo fight that is the Republican Party right now. 

But since this is one of the most covered stories in modern memory—there’s probably at least one reporter for each member up on the Hill right now—I think I should lean into my comparative advantage and come at it from a different angle. Let’s do it like a “news”letter version of The Love Boat or Cannonball Run with cameo appearances by various philosophers. 

So let me get my pocket knife and whitling stick and park these tired bones in a rocking chair on the porch, and talk to you about identity and authenticity. Pour yourself some lemonade.