The Worst Fang Club

(Stock photo by Getty Images.)

Dear Reader (Excluding those of you who insist on the Dear Reader gag),

Greetings from Chicago. I’m writing from Iwan Ries & Co., which plausibly claims to be the oldest tobacco shop in America. I can’t believe I’ve never been here before. It traces its origins to 1857, but it’s been in its current location only since 1968. That’s kind of a bummer, because I’d like to think that if some vampire, chased out of town by legendary vampire hunter Abraham Lincoln, came back to the City of Big Shoulders, he could swing by his old cigar shop.

Fun fact: When I googled “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” to get a link, I noticed that the first question in the “People Also Ask” feature is “How historically accurate is Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?”

Anyway, I have vampires on my mind because I’ve been bothered by the long overdue national conversation on the topic of vampires vs. werewolves introduced by Herschel Walker.

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