Of all the (many) things Jonah hates, he has a unique resentment for the concept of New Year’s Eve. If you share his disdain for the holiday, then try ringing in 2024 with the bitter grumblings of today’s discombobulated, needlessly lengthy Ruminant rather than a trip to Times Square or an overpriced prix-fixe dinner. As usual, a number of urgent questions are addressed: Could Nikki Haley’s recent slavery gaffe tank her campaign? Why is partisanship problematic? What’s the latest on the war in Israel? And how did Jonah learn to stop worrying and (sort of) love horseshoe theory?