December at the Movies

Reviews of this month's biggest film releases.

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Paul Dano, Seth Rogen, Michelle Williams, Cooper Dodson, Gabriel LaBelle, and Nicolas Cantu in The Fabelmans (2022) © 2022 Universal Studios and Amblin Entertainment

Studios tend to save some of their best films for the end of the year. They want them fresh on voters’ minds come awards season. With only one weekend left in the year and four major films to review, we’ve decided to cover them all in one place. Special thanks to Price St. Clair for contributing a review of Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery, which I, alas, have not seen yet.

Avatar: The Way of Water

Bro you would not believe what a movie Avatar: The Way of Water is bro, it’s terrible bro, you’ve got to skip it bro.

Imagine that sentence stretched out over three hours—“bro” this and “bro” that—throw in some blue cat people, an annoying human boy named Spider, a teenage girl voiced by a 73-year-old, and a society of peace-loving whales who learn that even though violence against your enemies doesn’t always work out it’s almost always a good idea, and you’ve got the bizarre, unnecessary, and unasked-for sequel to 2009’s Avatar. James Cameron turning what is essentially Dances With Wolves but with aliens into a movie that earned over a billion dollars could have been a fluke. Him doing the exact same thing for a second time? Well, that just reflects badly on the human race. I’m starting to see why Jake was so willing to join the Na’vi.

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  1. Robert.Zoch

    "Whiplash" was excellent, and arguably the only film ever made one could reasonably classify as a "jazz thriller." Highly recommended. Enjoyed "Glass Onion," though not as much as "Knives Out." Thought "The Fabelmans" was great, though I was disappointed we didn't get a glimpse of his real-life home movies at the end. (Perhaps it's a bit of a movie cliché to do something like that, but in this case I thought it would've worked well.)

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    Pboyd

    GLASS ONION was fun, not as good as KNIVES OUT. Kate Hudson channeled her mother's acting in OVERBOARD and loved her "mask." Edward Norton is so good, makes me wonder why he's not in more things.

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    Mister D

    Unless I missed something in Avatar 2 (which is hard to do given that it makes its points with tsumai force) the whales never learned the lesson. There was one whale who resorted to violence to protect his brethren and was outcast for it. Despite promising never to be violent again, he is not allowed back with his pod (I assume they're pods, like Earth whales, even though the space whales are so much better than real whales, and people, too, what with their non violence and mathematical abilities). Somehow he has a change of heart (we don't see that moment) and goes medieval on the Evil Sky People, but at no point is he forgiven nor does anyone acknowledge that his way was the right way. Truthfully the entire space whale subplot, which must account for at least 30 minutes of the film's excessive run time, could have been excised without significantly altering the story line. It exists just so Cameron could have one more thing to wag his finger about (in this case, whaling).

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  4. Birvingdo

    Just watched the new Matilda musical adaptation on Netflix, thought it was spectacular. The choreography, story, and cast are right on. Add that to the list.

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  5. Whiskeyman

    Maybe I've missed all the glowing and positive reviews you have issued Alec but you seem to not enjoy most of what you review. I personally would be far more interested in reading your positive reviews about whatever is out there that you do like than all of these negative reviews of major studio releases. I haven't been reading you for years or anything so maybe I have an incorrect view here but, at least in the last year, most of your reviews I remember as negative.

    and seriously how have you not seen Whiplash? You can correct this immediately you know right?!

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      Tim

      Most movies are crap, so...

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    J. Eric

    I will look for some of these titles when they’re released on DVD. Thank you and Happy New Year

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    Xsearnold

    Maybe The Dispatch could come up with a rating scale for movies similar to the one we were given to use in the Chicago International Film Festival back in the early 80’s? It ranged from zero (even Rex Reed would hate it) to 4 (even Dave Kerr would love it).

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    Mattjabour

    No Puss In Boots review? For shame.

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      Wilhelm

      beg pardon?

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        Mattjabour

        Ah geez, autocorrect's a bitch. That's Puss In Boots.

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          Wilhelm

          I knew what you meant. I was just amused. ;)

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    JohnD

    Thanks for the heads up on Babylon. While I liked La La Land and really liked Whiplash, I think I will skip Babylon. Based on your review I likely would have walked out, so you saved me several dollars! And yes, The Fabelman is well worth it. A nice movie.

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  10. Gerald Cuesta

    My opinions, which are mine and of no consequence to anyone else… Bones and All was my favorite major release. Fablemans I found pretty good — with a beautiful performance by Michelle Williams. Dances with blue people in waterworld part 2 — why? Besides the terminator, James Cameron has never written a truly solid script. It’s all cliche with state of the art eye candy with the ‘king of the world’. Babylon I will be watching — the people I know who’ve seen it range from piece of crap to hysterically entertaining in their opinions, so yeah, I’d like to see. Love flicks about old Hollywood. And books, City OF Nets being the must read. Medusa — a Brazilian film from earlier in the year was also very interesting. Two films I can’t find anything good about but that many both love and herald as great works of entertainment that should be in some canon —RRR (unwatchable garbage with some of the worst acting I’ve seen outside of a 70s peep show) and Top Gun 2 — a cliche fest that makes cliches embarrassed.

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