Why Can’t We Be Friends?

We all need to ask more questions.

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45

For the first time in far too long, New York Times columnist David Brooks is on the Remnant to dispense some of the hottest political wisdom you’ll find this side of Lake Michigan. Lately, David’s been concerned with a serious challenge to America’s social fabric: It seems like most of us can’t really get to know other people. Our country is full of people who feel unseen or misunderstood, and this is fueling our loneliness epidemic and the broader collapse of community. In his new book, How to Know a Person, David offers some solutions to this crisis that largely begin on an interpersonal level. But what does it really mean for people to be seen? What common mistakes do we make in our interactions with others? And will those punk kids ever get off Jonah’s lawn?

Show Notes:

-Watch this episode on YouTube

–David’s page at the New York Times

–David’s page at The Atlantic

–David’s new book, How to Know a Person

–Richard Weaver’s Ideas Have Consequences

–The Remnant with Jean Twenge

–Enter to win a lunch with Jonah in D.C.

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Comments (45)
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  1. Russell J

    Interesting discussion. I understand where the "need to be seen" idea is coming from so I mostly agree. As an introverted person, that phrasing comes across as odd to our group. There is a need for being appreciated and welcomed but with my life experiences I would say describing these things under the umbrella of "needing community" is a better phrasing that captures the problem that David is correctly observing but doesn't feel as wrong for people who actually are uncomfortable with extra time in the spotlight. The political tie in is then that when people feel rejected by certain communities they search for it in unhealthy places rather than among friends, family, neighbors who actually have a motivation to care about them.

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  2. Randall Briggs

    I'm very glad that I listened to this. Without having really read his work, I have considered David Brooks to be an ex-conservative, and therefore a man of dubious judgment. It was good to hear him explain his ideas, which don't seem all that far from the conservative (classical liberal) ideas that I support. And it was good to hear the mutual respect that he and Jonah hold for each other.

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  3. Ohio Reader

    Wonderful discussion, thank you. I'm going to be sending the part where Jonah talks about the brake party and being the gas party to people I know.

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  4. Rodrubert

    I was surprised at your lack of pushback on two points. While Hamilton was a nationalist (some might say royalist in pushing a lifetime term for the executive), he could hardly pass muster as someone concerned with raising up the common man. His most famous legislative success being the whiskey tax that was wildly regressive placing a higher rate on remote rural poor farmers. Brooks was quite clear he was a proud nationalist. If you had even given him the level of pushback you gave your own coworkers at National Review, I would have been happy. I think talking to people who disagree with you is a good thing but both sides should be represented, no?

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    Katenesvick

    I appreciate that David's looking at civil society and the way that impacts the health of the democracy. I think that's a very conservative instinct.

    I'm glad Jonah did not join him on the language of the right edge of the left. I think that cedes too much ground to all the wrong people. Conflict of Visions and such, I think it's more a divide than a continuum.

    I think it's curious that he puts Yuval Levin and Matt Continetti in the same conversation as McCain and Giuliani. That illustrates to me that he's coming to conservatism from a totally different perspective, and not one I can wrap my head around.

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  6. Jabobward

    After reading all the comments, I realize I'm in the minority here but I didn't love being told my introversion and lack of social skills make me a source of America's political discord.

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    1. Jabobward

      Curious: Was the response to my comment deleted by the poster or admin? Either way, I thought it was funny.

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      This comment has been deleted

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    Addicus

    Hi. Just signed up to the Dispatch so this a the first test post. Hello!

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    1. Deleted Comment

      This comment has been deleted

    2. Photo of Jonah Goldbergcircle-angle-nib
      Jonah Goldberg vertical-nib Author

      Welcome!

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    Dusty

    Excellent. There's a lot in here that could be a spark for Friday's G-File. Looking forward to it.

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  9. DB

    I haven’t listened to this yet and I don’t yet have the book, but I absolutely loved David’s article on this in the NYT. Been trying to adopt many of his suggestions. Highly recommend the article.

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    Pat @ Tavi Hall

    Great podcast.

    But I'm here to say go ahead, Jonah, lecture people about their faith. One reason I will refuse to pull levers for Trump and anyone infested by his spirit is I've come to think he's destroying the American evangelical church.

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