Whether you’re busy with last-minute Christmas shopping today, pretending to work as you excessively take the baked goods your co-workers generously set out, or laughing maniacally as you burn a pile of masks after learning about restored mandates, you’ve probably got a lot going on today.
In that spirit, I thought I’d offer you something like a stuffed stocking of notable quotes this week. Unlike Marcy from accounting’s fudge, you can take as much as you want without feeling guilty. Nothing to unwrap, either.
Enjoy!
Sure it is, buddy. Sure it is. “[Iowa] may still be f—ed. The real question is whether it’s f—ed in 2024 or 2028.”—An unnamed Democratic National Committee member speaking to Politico at the DNC’s meeting in Charleston, S.C. Despite a lot of loud talk last year about stripping Iowa of its first-in-the-nation presidential nominating contest after the state party’s 2020 debacle, reporters found such sentiments “had all but vanished.”
But other than that, she’s chill. “It’ll be over my dead body that I get a shot. I will not. I won’t do it and they better not touch my kids either.”—Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, speaking to Charlie Kirk at AmericaFest, the “glam-Western vibe” gathering for his right-wing group, Turning Point USA, in Phoenix.
Jeez, you make one extended analogy about murdering a public figure to an angry crowd … “[I]t’s more than clear that Jesse Watters was using a metaphor for asking hard-hitting questions to Dr. Fauci about gain-of-function research and his words have been twisted completely out of context.”—A Fox News statement dismissing the remarks by its host at the Turning Point gathering about how to do an ambush interview of Dr. Anthony Fauci. “Now you go in for the kill shot. The kill shot. With an ambush. Deadly. Because he doesn’t see it coming,”
Festivus poll … “[Sen. Joe Manchin] says he’s representing the people of West Virginia. Why don’t you do a poll? Can CNN do a poll and you ask the people of West Virginia whether or not they want to lower the cost of prescription drugs? You ask them whether they want to expand Medicare to cover dental, hearing, and eyeglasses? I told Manchin I’ll pay for the damn poll in West Virginia.”—Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vermont, who definitely should not do a poll on whether West Virginia voters trust him or Manchin more on these questions, in an appearance on CNN.
Hotbox, you say? “Why in the world would they want to call [Sen. Joe Manchin] a liar and try to hotbox him and embarrass him?”—Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell talking to the New York Times.
No puedes? “We need to address the long-term problems that exist for Democrats with Latinos and black men.”—Analysis of an in-depth poll of voters in this year’s Virginia gubernatorial election conducted for the Democratic Governors Association and provided to the Washington Post. The survey showed 9 percent of voters who backed President Biden in 2020 backed Republican Glenn Youngkin. Fifty-two percent of them were unaffiliated with either party.
Steal big: “I’ve been in law enforcement for over 29 years and worked some complex fraud investigations for 20 plus years, and I’ve never seen something at this scale.”—Secret Service Assistant Special Agent in Charge Roy Dotson talking to CNBC about the almost $100 billion thieves and fraudsters stole from coronavirus relief funds meant for small business and the unemployed.
If you have to ask … “At this point, the only question is: Have I hit bottom?”—Disgraced celebrity lawyer and once-aspirant 2020 presidential candidate Michael Avenatti, in an interview with Politico from the Venice Beach, California, apartment where the disgraced lawyer is serving his 30-month sentence for extortion while he awaits legal proceedings on other charges.
For those who celebrate, I wish you and your loved ones a very merry Christmas, indeed. Like the song says, we need it “right this very minute.” America is on its last nerve and that one is looking pretty twitchy. Christmas, for believers and non-believers alike, offers us a moment to do the only thing that truly salves a weary soul, which is to share love with someone else. It is a stubborn truth of the human condition: We can only feel love if we give it away.
Christians mark this feast to remind ourselves of the origin of this virtuous cycle. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son,” we are told. However you hang your garland, though, I wish for you peace and joy that surpasses all understanding. To that end, I give you permission to blow off everything non-essential so that you can rest, rejoice, and love your people—and steal a piece of Marcy’s fudge for me.
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