(via Getty Images)

In many cultures, holidays are celebrated in tandem, on consecutive days. Halloween is followed by the Day of the Dead; Christmas is followed by Boxing Day; Thanksgiving is followed by Black Friday; New Year’s Eve is followed by, uh, New Year’s Day.

There’s a special pairing for pundits: Election Day is followed by The Feast of Hot Takes.

On The Feast of Hot Takes, you gather piecemeal results spread across different regions from the previous evening and arrange them to form a mosaic that perfectly matches your priors. If you’re pro-choice, a good night for the pro-choice party means the election was about abortion. If you hate Donald Trump, a bad night for Trump’s party means the election was about Trump. If you can’t bear the plain truth that Joe Biden is now the underdog in 2024, a good night for Biden’s party means he isn’t actually an underdog.

Readers should take special care when consuming commentary on The Feast of Hot Takes, as those of us who make a living preparing it are never more blinded by our prejudices than today. The more cynical among us might have even prepared their reactions in advance of the results. 

Before succumbing to that blindness myself, I’ll resist it (a little) by pointing out that Tuesday’s results weren’t that bad for Republicans.

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